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Discovering Needs 

Design

As a date night discussion guide 

Foundation

Helps husbands and wives discover ways to meet one another’s needs 

Tools

  • Schedule a dinner or coffee date on or within a few days of New Year’s Eve. 
  • Bring your calendar or cellphone on the date. 
  • Each spouse spends time identifying several priorities to put on the calendar for the upcoming year (see reverse for ideas). 

During the Date 

Alternate asking each other the questions using the following rules: 

  1. Give specific ideas (“Hold my hand while driving in the car”) rather than general principles (“Show me you love me”). 
  2. Don’t over-promise. Not every need expressed can or should be met by one’s spouse. You are simply sharing ideas and seeking input. 
  3. Don’t become defensive if something touches an area of weakness for you. The goal is to move your relationship to the next level rather than defend the status quo. 

Execution

Discovering Needs
Only God can meet all of our needs, but He intends to meet some of them through marriage. Use the following questions to discover how you can be more intentional.

LITTLE BIG THINGS
We often neglect the little things that can make a big difference. Explore small ways you can better meet your mate’s needs by asking the following questions…

  • What three things could I do at the house to help you feel more relaxed at home?
  • What three ways could I surprise you to make you feel appreciated or pampered?
  • What hobby would you like to try together during the next three months?

COMMUNICATION
Most marital conflicts are rooted in poor communication. Explore how you might better meet your spouse’s need in this area by asking the following questions…

  • How can I help establish a routine context for one-on-one conversations?
  • What is the best time/place/approach to share something you’ve done that hurt me without making you feel attacked or disrespected?

INTIMACY
God intends husbands and wives to meet one another’s need for spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. Explore how you might better meet your spouse’s need for intimacy by asking the following questions…

  • What simple thing can we do once per week to improve our spiritual connection?
  • What three things can we do to create a stronger emotional connection?
  • What two ways might I improve our physical intimacy so you feel more loved?

PRAYER
After sharing ideas with one another, hold hands and share this brief prayer together…

Dear God: Thank You for giving us to one another. Help us become more intentional about meeting one another’s needs in coming days. Amen

© 2010 Inkling Innovations